More Than Being Right

(This is a Toastmaster speech I delivered as required by my Pathways project – Share Your Communication Style.)

Dear fellow Toastmasters,

“Hi Tom! How are things going? I’m just following up on the questions I sent you a few days ago. I need them addressed so I can file the HST return on time. Thank you for your attention!”

This is a typical message I might send to my clients.

As a freelance bookkeeper working for different small businesses, most of my communication with them happens through emails and text messages.

These are people who are always on the go. Communicating with them can sometimes be frustrating. Responses are often delayed, and when they do reply, the answers can be too brief to understand clearly. One client of mine likes to respond with only one or two words, leaving me trying to guess what he actually means. And quite often, people don’t read messages carefully. You ask two questions, but they answer only one.

Still, I have a soft spot for these people.

Many of them are under pressure every day, trying to get new clients, managing cash flow, paying employees, and dealing with endless problems. Seeing how hard it is to keep a business running naturally makes me communicate with them in a more empathetic and supportive way.

I try to respond to their requests as soon as I can, taking time to answer their questions and always interacting with them respectfully. One thing I pay particular attention to is wording, making sure my message is clear and easy to understand. I think they can feel that I genuinely care about helping them.

Over the years, this supportive communication style has helped me build trust with my clients. And once trust is built, communication becomes much easier.

Let me share one particular experience.

For three years, I worked mainly with a company owner’s assistant. Then one day, the assistant quit, and suddenly I was dealing directly with the owner herself.

She was a capable woman, but also someone who could become emotional under stress. One day, she started complaining about everybody and everything. I felt she was being unfair and unreasonable, so I responded very directly and told her exactly what I thought.

Well… that did not go well.

It was like I had poured fuel on the fire. She burst into anger and started yelling at me uncontrollably.

I was completely shaken in that moment. But later, I realized she was simply overwhelmed and stressed. What she needed first was empathy and support, not judgment.

Instead of quitting, as my husband had suggested, I tried my best to support her through that difficult period. Over time, as she realized I was reliable, trust gradually developed between us.

Now, she sometimes sends me sweet messages saying, “You are the best.”

And interestingly, because that trust is there, I can actually point out mistakes or disagree with her without making her feel offended.

While my supportive communication style has served me well professionally, I am still learning to apply the same empathetic mindset in my personal life.

When it comes to communicating with family and loved ones, we often feel safe enough to speak our minds. That’s when different communication styles can clash the most.

For example, my husband hates being questioned too much. If I approach him with an analytical mindset and ask too many questions, the conversation usually does not end well. I’ve learned that sometimes a supportive approach works better than trying to prove a point.

After all, smooth and effective communication is about solving problems in our work and life, not about winning an argument. It is something more than being right.