Bucket List — My Humor Speech at Toastmasters

(I’m the Humorist again at our Toastmasters meeting this week. The following is a brief speech I created to help warm up the meeting)

Good evening everyone!

I am the humorist tonight, and our meeting theme today is Bucket List.

John has explained to us that a bucket list is a list of things you want to do before you die.

Well… I didn’t have one.

So when Janice asked each of us to share one item from our bucket list, I honestly wasn’t sure what to put down.

Of course, there are many places I want to visit and many things I want to do. For example, I want to tour Japan.

But if I put it on a bucket list, it will be like:

“I want to go to Japan… before I die.”

Doesn’t that sound a little strange?

It sounds like I already know when I’m going to die.

I honestly don’t know.

Do you? 

As a bookkeeper, I’m used to making plans with specific deadlines. For example, I have to file my HST return before June 15. That’s a real date I can refer to and schedule my time accordingly.

But making a plan based on “before I die”?

What kind of deadline is that?

That’s not a certain date.

That’s a mystery! 

How am I supposed to put that in my calendar?

I’d probably procrastinate anyway. I’d think:

“Hmm… no rush. I’ll do it next year.”

Especially now I’ve heard that with AI’s help, we might all live to 100 — even 150 years old.

Which means I now have even MORE time to procrastinate. 

I’m afraid my bucket list would eventually end up as something I leave behind when I finally… kick the bucket.

Which means it would literally become a real “bucket list.”