Empathic Listening

( Introduction: empathic listening is one of the most powerful ways to build trust and strengthen relationships. In this speech, I’ll share what empathic listening means, why it matters, and how practicing it can help us better undersand and connnect with others)

Good evening, fellow Toastmasters!

Today, I’d like to talk about empathic listening. But first, let’s look at some scenarios:

One day, your teenage son says, “Mom, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to go to college.” How should you respond in a way that doesn’t make him feel judged or push him away?

A friend is going through a tough time and wants to talk. As a listener, how can you provide the comfort and support they truly need?

Imagine you’re a leader at work and want to understand your team members better. How can empathic listening help you boost your leadership and strengthen team relationships?

Now, think about yourself as the listener in these situations. What’s the most important thing you can do?

(audience responded with their opinions)

Yes, the skills you mentioned are all valuable, but the most crucial one is: “Seek first to understand.” This is the essence of empathic listening.

According to Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, empathic listening is the highest form of listening. It means listening with the intent to understand, not just to reply. Often, we listen enough to respond with our own thoughts and opinions, rushing in with, “I know how you feel, I’ve been through the same thing.” But in doing so, we may overlook the speaker’s true feelings and frustrate them, even making them feel unheard or manipulated.

The core of empathic listening is a paradigm shift: when you practice it, you put yourself in the speaker’s shoes. As Covey puts it, “You get inside another person’s frame of reference. You look through it, see the world as they see it, and understand their feelings and perspective.”

This shift in perspective is what makes empathic listening so powerful and effective. By first seeking to understand someone’s situation, we can better help them. As Covey wisely states, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Only when we set aside our own thoughts can we truly understand the other person’s feelings and begin offering meaningful support.

Empathic listening also strengthens relationships. People like to be around others who listen to them. When you take the time to listen to your children, friends, or partner, you’re investing in your relationship. By doing so, you build love and trust, which makes it easier to work through problems together.

In the workplace, empathic listening is especially vital. It helps strengthen bonds between coworkers and shows customers that they’re valued. As a team leader, if you cultivate a reputation for empathic listening, your colleagues will trust you with important information and seek your input on decisions.

So, why not give empathic listening a try? If you haven’t already practiced it, it’s never too late to start. Here are a few strategies to help you become a better empathic listener:

1. Listen patiently: Let the speaker express their thoughts fully before you respond. Don’t interrupt or jump in, even if you disagree. Show acceptance by nodding or saying something like, “I see,” or “I understand.”

2. Listen with your ears, eyes, and heart: Empathic listening goes beyond hearing words. Pay attention to nonverbal cues—facial expressions, body language—and the emotions behind the words.

3. Repeat the speaker’s thoughts and feelings: Reflect back what they’ve said to confirm you’ve understood. This shows you’re open to their perspective and willing to let them lead the conversation.

4. Ask clarifying questions: If you’re not sure you understand, ask questions until you do.

By practicing these strategies, you’ll notice improvements in your relationships. Empathic listening fosters deeper connections and helps us truly understand and support one another.