Being a Bit Selfish Makes Me a Happier Person

(Introduction: in thi article, I reveal my personal journey to understandiing the importance of self-love and how embracing it has shaped who I am today)

A change of mindset

The other day, an old friend reached out to me on WeChat: “How have you been doing?”

“I’ve been doing great!” I responded cheerfully. We chatted for a while, and then he suddenly commented, “It seems like you’re much happier than before.”

I realized that when we had spoken on the phone a few years ago, I might have sounded a bit dull, if not distressed.

“Yes, it’s all about a change of mindset!” I smiled to myself.

“What’s the magic here?” he asked, curious.

“Well, I’m just a bit more selfish now,” I laughed.

I know he might not fully understand what I meant, but I am crystal clear about how I get myself here.

Re-discovering myself

I remember Christmas in 2018, when we were at a friend’s house. After dinner, the hostess handed out fortune cookies just for fun. When I opened mine, it read, “You will have good things happening in your life.”

Then in early 2019, I received a message from a friend—an elementary school classmate—inviting me to join a WeChat group titled after our elementary school. As I looked at the names in the group, I felt doors to my memories opening one by one. We had attended the same elementary school and high school, but I hadn’t seen most of these classmates in over 30 years, ever since I moved to a different city with my parents. It was a lot of fun to reminisce about those bashful years we spent together. In their minds, I was still that smart young girl with big eyes and a shy smile.

Looking back, I realized that this reunion, even though virtual, marked the moment I began to wake up after years of hiding away. I had married young, and as the saying goes, ‘When a woman marries and has children, her life begins in one way, but in another, it stops.’ This resonated deeply with me. Like many women, I found myself wholeheartedly embracing the traditional roles of wife and mother, gradually forgetting my own needs and identity. I threw myself into supporting my husband’s career and, at the same time, became emotionally dependent on him — if his sky was cloudy, my world would be rainy! Later, I became a mother of two boys, taking on another important role that kept me physically and mentally occupied for decades. My world became small, and the few friends I had were either from my early years or parents of my sons’ classmates.

Self-love as a turning point

Reconnecting with my old friends somehow made me realize how much I had neglected my own needs, especially my spiritual growth. While I am a devoted wife and mother, I need to take better care of myself and love myself more. Once I made this recognition, just as the fortune cookie had predicted, good things really started to happen in my life.

I began exercising—I run every day! I rediscovered my love for singing and reading. I joined a reading club, and one thing led to another: I became a Toastmaster! My world was broadened and enriched. I gained new friends and had the chance to meet many wonderful people. This year, I even joined a dance group! I’m not a great dancer, but I do it because moving with music brings me joy.

A happier me, a happier family

I’ve come to realize that loving myself requires me to be a bit more selfish. When I spend time doing things that make me happy and help me grow, I may need to let go of some other obligations, such as household chores. For example, I might not dust the house as often, or I might leave the dishes in the sink for the next day if I’m too tired. When faced with choices, I need to follow my heart, saying no to things that aren’t good for my well-being. I’ve also had to learn to delegate tasks to my family and ask for help when I need it.

But with all this “selfishness,” I am becoming a happier person — a happier wife, a happier mother. When a mother is happier, the whole family benefits! I’ve found that when I become more independent and spiritually stronger, I am in a better position to support my loved ones.

Yes, after all these years, I’ve finally realized that the importance of being nurtured and loved first. As human beings, the best thing we can do in life is to be the best version of ourselves. Self-love is not selfish – you can’t truly love others until you’ve learned to love yourself. And it’s never too late to start!