(Introduction: As I entered the empty nest stage, I didn’t feel loss; instead, I felt anticipation. This new chapter isn’t just about letting go; it’s about rediscovering myself and embracing life on my own terms.)
One January night after Christmas, I sat at my computer, working on my articles. My husband was beside the fireplace reading, while Sparky, our dog, curled up at his feet, asleep. The house was quiet. It felt a bit different. I lifted my eyes, and my gaze landed on the piano. Yes, this was it—its master, my older son, Ben, had just moved out!
Ben, now in his fourth year at the University of Toronto, secured a deal to stay in a student house until the end of the semester.
For the first time, I am experiencing the empty nest, as my younger son also lives away from home.
Though I have mixed feelings, I support their decision, knowing this is a stage of life I must embrace—letting go of my adult sons, even though I feel so deeply attached to them.
Sitting there that night, it occurred to me that my life had been defined by different stages, each centered around the person I was most emotionally attached to at the time.
As a child, I grew up in the countryside with my grandmother until I was old enough to go to school. At that time, she was the most important person in my small world. The villagers would often see me searching for her whenever she was out of sight. I remember waking up crying in the middle of the night, terrified by the thought that I might lose her someday.
Later, I moved to the city to live with my parents, and naturally, they became my new emotional anchor—especially my father, who had a soft heart and a gentle temper. Every day, I rode on the back seat of his bicycle to school. Money was tight back then, but my father always managed to bring us treats from his business trips. When my mother lost her temper with us kids, he was the one who offered us comfort. I still remember the time when he fell seriously ill; the moment I learned about it, I felt as if my whole world were collapsing.
As I grew up and got married, my emotional anchor shifted to my husband. He became the center of my world. While we were university classmates, I willingly prioritized his career and well-being over my own. Emotionally, I became dependent on him, too. My mood would naturally mirror his: if his sky was cloudy, my world felt rainy. When we quarreled, it seemed as if my world had fallen apart. He was a proud man, and I would lower myself to the dust to seek reconciliation. At that time, I believed love was everything—losing it would have meant losing my entire world.
Then my boys arrived, and once again, the center of my world shifted. My sons became my sun and my moon—my everything.
During this time, my attitude toward my husband also changed. I treated him as I treated myself—sometimes attentive, but often neglectful. I would prioritize my sons’ well-being over his. Poor man! But he never complained about it—that is why I still love him 🙂 . I suppose our love for our sons made both of us lose sight of ourselves.
Now, my boys are grown and gone. So, where does that leave me?
I suppose it’s time for another shift. But back to my husband? No way! Well… maybe once in a while, if he treats me well enough.
This time, the center of my world has to be no one else but me.
Having different people at the center of my world may have been a natural part of my journey as a woman. The problem is, I lost myself along the way. I failed to realize that I was the most important person in my own world. Not establishing myself first left me vulnerable. It wasn’t until recent years—especially since joining Toastmasters—that I learned that self-fulfillment and growth are the true paths to one’s strength and confidence. Because, in the end, the one person who will always be there for me is me.
That night, as I sat at the empty-nest stage of my life, I didn’t feel lost. Instead, I felt anticipation and even a bit of excitement!
I see this as the start of a new chapter—one where I can explore, grow, and embrace life on my own terms.
Isn’t that something worth celebrating?
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Well said, but I do have a comment on your article. Your life is always you, even you considered you had attached to the others. That is the blind side of ourself: We usually put others “priorities” over us, but their “priorities” are actually defined FROM OUR PERSPECTIVE and not by theirself.
As always, I enjoyed reading your story. Great work!
Thank you Chong for reading my piece and sending your comment. I do agree that the priorities we place on others may not always be what they truly want, which can make our sacrifices feel even less worthwhile. I wrote this article hastily for a Toastmasters speech I had to deliver this past Saturday, so it’s quite rough. What I really wanted to express was that emotional dependence on others is a reflection of not being internally strong and not having established an independent self-identity. This is understandable when I was a child, but in adulthood, it reflects a lack of self-development throughout my life journey. I guess I didn’t elaborate it very well.